| Does the idea of a vacation sound like an appalling | | | | introducing a new logo. Management says the stylized |
| loss in office productivity? Or does the idea of work | | | | palm tree and two coconuts at the base of the |
| sound like those temporary, dreary hours when | | | | trunk symbolizes their relaxed and co-operative |
| you're not tanning at the beach? Ten questions will | | | | relationship with clients. Everybody is asked what |
| give you the answer to this most important question. | | | | they think of it. You:a. Write a detailed analysis |
| 1. You're playing golf with your boss. Right now | | | | emphasizing the beauty and fitting nature of the logo, |
| you're thinking:a. I need to make this putt to impress | | | | and applaud the advertising agency for a job well |
| him. Then I'll be around when he discusses the plans | | | | done.b. Laugh with your co-workers at the obvious |
| for the new account. I must show him I am capable | | | | similarity to a certain part of the male anatomy.c. |
| and ready to be the project lead!b. I need to make | | | | Begin drawing exceptionally rude additions on the |
| this putt to impress him. Then I'll be around when | | | | logo, symbolizing relationships of a different nature. 9. |
| they go for drinks tonight. His wife is hot. I hope she'll | | | | Congratulations, you've been promoted to middle |
| be there!c. Wherz da flag? Man oh man, I shouldn't'f | | | | management! More hours, more responsibility, a bit |
| sloshed down that sixth beer! Hey, that shand trap | | | | more cash. You:a. Puff with pride and self-importance, |
| looks like a great place to catch some rays. 2. It's | | | | polish your new mahogany desk and anticipate twice |
| time for coffee break. But you're still in that meeting. | | | | as many meetings. Your statements to underlings |
| What do you do?a. It doesn't even cross your mind, | | | | begin to go something like "Yeeeaah, hi, I'm |
| because it would be completely irresponsible to think | | | | going to ask you to come in on Saturday . . ."b. |
| of such a trivial thing while contributing to next year's | | | | Ask for a lot more money first, plus an extra two |
| budget projections.b. You feel the aroma of the | | | | weeks vacation, stating that increased responsibility |
| coffee pot through the door, and you struggle to | | | | and stress needs such compensation.c. Wake from |
| keep your attention on the sales figures. Still, coffee. | | | | such a horrible dream. Vow to never again play that |
| Mmm.c. The bell for coffee wakes you up into jarring | | | | "Middle Management " card game! 10. You |
| reality. The sounds of the gentle surf is replaced by | | | | have 6 weeks of vacation to use, because you |
| the irritating droning of some guy with a pointer. You | | | | haven't been taking any for the last couple of years. |
| excuse yourself and drowsily leave the room. 3. It's | | | | Management says you can either take it or convert it |
| your Caribbean-themed office party! However, you | | | | for 1 regular paycheck. How do you react?a. Laugh at |
| notice that the social committee is completely | | | | such an impossible scenario, because not only do you |
| clueless as to what constitutes a Caribbean party. | | | | take full vacations every year, you often call in sick |
| You:a. Politely ignore the plastic flamingos in the | | | | for a week and hire "Rent-A-Sick Buddy" |
| corner and sip on your non-alcoholic beer. You | | | | to cover for you while you lounge in Jamaica!b. You |
| straighten your tie before striding boldly to the higher | | | | take the paycheck and continue working. (Now you |
| management table.b. Smirk at the deflated plastic | | | | can sock away more money to buy that limited 17th |
| palm trees and raccoon stuffed animals and make a | | | | century replica still-life painting of fruit!)c. You scoff at |
| mental note to join the social committee next year | | | | yourself, pack your bags, and begin the best and |
| to do things properly - by taking a vacation for | | | | most needed 6 weeks of your life!For each answer |
| "educational" purposes.c. Plop yourself | | | | from 1 - 9:For every A answer, give yourself 1 |
| down on the inflatable tube you brought, then spike | | | | point.For every B answer, give yourself 2 points.For |
| your Coke with a flask of Jamaican rum you | | | | every C answer, give yourself 4 points.Question 10 |
| smuggled in. Rub tanning lotion over your body, and | | | | was a trick! Give yourself 5 for A (for exceptional |
| politely ask a co-worker to do your back. 4. That | | | | style!), -1 for B (come on now, fruit??), and 2 for C |
| cute co-worker is constantly eyeing you. You're | | | | (don't do that again, you silly workaholic!).How you |
| interested too, but office romance is strictly | | | | Rate:Less than 15: You live to work, and a board |
| forbidden. You:a. Report sexual harassment to human | | | | meeting is the thrill of your life. You just can't wait to |
| resources. There, problem solved, especially if it | | | | impress your boss with your awesome PowerPoint |
| means a promotion!b. Arrange for a romantic evening | | | | presentation! It's taken weeks to prepare the 78 |
| outside work, but avoid all eye contact while | | | | screens! Thankfully, nobody invites you to parties. |
| working.c. Arrange for a wild, passionate tryst in the | | | | Who has time for those?16 to 19: You worship |
| server room! 5. You're lounging in the Caribbean, | | | | florescent lighting. The hum and flicker of white light, |
| quietly sipping your drink, when suddenly you wake | | | | and how it accents the grey cubicle walls is the |
| up and you're still at your desk, in the middle of | | | | definition of the highest art form. However, you felt |
| writing audit reports! You:a. Shake your head and | | | | a bit sad when the boss moved you from the |
| chastise yourself for falling asleep, and hope nobody | | | | window to the middle of the office, and took your |
| noticed.b. Pout softly, then surreptitiously check the | | | | stapler.20 to 25: You love nothing better than to walk |
| Internet for travel deals. Make a mental note to buy | | | | through a group of shivering, pale people with your |
| tanning lotion on the way home.c. Scream. 6. In order | | | | suntan. Did you go to a tropical destination in the |
| to get the project done, you have to work Saturday. | | | | middle of winter? Did you cheat and go to a tanning |
| But there's a big party Friday night! What do you | | | | salon? You'll never tell.26 to 30: Nice wireless laptop! |
| do?a. Call one of your friends and say you can't | | | | You obviously have one, because you're certainly not |
| make it, because you have to work tomorrow. | | | | reading this at a desk. You only happened upon this |
| Emphasize the word ‘work' to shame them | | | | page because you need to order a second swimsuit, |
| into becoming responsible adults like yourself.b. Go to | | | | preferably one that lets in the tanning rays. Careful |
| the party, but leave early, sighing about your heavy | | | | with that margarita, you don't want to waste it by |
| workload and inviting pity drinks from your friends.c. | | | | accidentally spilling it all over your keyboard again!30 |
| What project? Six beers will destroy that silly idea | | | | and above: Thank god your uncle left you all that |
| about working through the weekend! 7. "The | | | | money so you can afford to live at the resort! You |
| implementation of our strategic application is | | | | shudder at what might have been - actually having to |
| conducive to the progressing interaction of our | | | | work a desk job at some soul-sucking corporation. Or |
| structured workflow." This statement means:a. | | | | is this a dream, and you don't actually have a rich |
| "Implementing our dedicated investment | | | | uncle who passed away? Best not think of those |
| supports the core evolution and functionality of our | | | | things, just enjoy the now.Chris is the author and |
| strategic vision." What's not to understand?b. | | | | owner of no-tan-lines.com, an information and |
| "Buying new crap keeps our old crap | | | | resource site on tan through clothing, tanning tips and |
| working."c. Just a sec . . . looking up | | | | beach sportswear. |
| "implametashun." 8. The company is | | | | |